Last week was my first full week on ADHD medication. I would say, within the first hour and a half, I noticed something different. I wrote my wife immediately and told her that "I don't know if it's the placebo effect or if this is really working, but something is different."
When I woke up, I took my medication as soon as I could. I had my prescription the night before, and the pharmacist said to me, if you take this now, you won't sleep...so, I had to wait until the morning until I could test myself out.
Back tracking a little, I have been a long term ADD ADHD denier. I was someone who was quick to criticize others for their diagnosis, self identifying and all else. I haven't delved deep enough to fully understand where all of this negativity comes from, but I would have to say, I grew up in an environment where this was the standard and right perspective on these types of issues.
Apparently from Grade 3, I had been identified as someone who should have been tested. All through school, I was the kid who could always have done better if he only applied himself. I was a good kid, but hard to control. I was respectful, but got into trouble. I had to sit at the front of the school bus, as I would never sit down and was too rambunctious, I had to sit behind a divider in one of my classes at the front of class, separated from the rest of class, so as to behave and focus. Again, all the time, I was successful in class, and was able to fake my way through most things.
I also happened to be left-handed, and felt that my messiness, my extremely poor hand writing, my confusion, frustrations, awkwardness, lack of coordination, accident proneness and all else could be chalked up to some kind of right-brained left-brained discussion. I had trouble with some subjects, in particular English and my writing. This was always blamed on my taking French immersion at an early age and missing out on the fundamentals. I bought these two excuses for my life, and still feel these excuses influence me...as again, I am a recent accepter of ADHD for me.
Over the years, I had been picked out of classes to take "studying" classes, speed reading test groups, organization and all else. As I look back, a large part of me wonders why I was among a group of others who clearly suffered from other forms of learning difficulties.
By 2008, I was not feeling very good about myself. I was in between work...again (I plan to delve into the job hopping in future posts). I finally thought to myself, "Why am I so lazy and stupid?". And crazy me typed this into a Google search. Well, sure enough, up pops You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy? Obviously, after reading a quick review, I was away grabbing the book. Now I never read it all....big surprise, I read a very large chunk of it. I identified so well with all that it was saying, that I quickly booked time with my Doctor and thought I was about to be quickly cured, and finally, this guy that I was not supposed to be would be fixed.
Well, long story short, I was believed and referred to meet with a couple diagnostics type people. I believe the first person was a psychometrist, who had me fill out the extended version of the many online quizzes (this was my most recent test location). From there, it was identified that there was a high likelihood of having ADHD (this wasn't exactly shared with me). So, I was recommended to see the local psychologist. Unfortunately, there was about a 3 month wait on that. When I finally got to see the psychologist, I was in a better state of mind. I was on top of the world and had just the day or so before returned from extremely engaging work overseas. I took some more quizzes, and when I met with the psychologist, my recollection was that he said, "Well, you've graduated high school, you've graduated college, and now you are working. The way I see it, is that you have discovered your own techniques to make your life work, and I would not think that you need medication."
I went out of the meet feeling fully fulfilled. I felt like everything in the world was fine, and I wasn't crazy and didn't need medication to be a normal participant in society.
Shortly after that experience, my work life took another nose dive, as I was let go from my contract work the day after Lehman collapsed. So, for the next while, I took life on myself and thought to myself that I am completely normal, and the way I behave is normal and there is nothing really wrong with me.
Several years go by. I meet a great girl. Marry, start a family, get involved in another business and struggle to juggle everything in the air. I suffered. I suffered greatly. There were days that were really tough. "Everyone has tough days" I thought, but these were extended and long and tough.
Long story short, I ultimately went in and started to get medication for depression (Effexor). I was really suffering. My home life was suffering. I was a mess. I was always short with those closest to me. I was scatter brained. I never followed through with simple tasks. I was a poor listener, an interrupter an over talker a procrastinator and most importantly, not dependable.
Still, I never went back for a diagnosis of ADHD, after all, I was the furthest thing from hyperactive!
I just wanted to sleep and hide.
Over time, my wife and I began to see a counselor together. I felt so good after sharing, that I asked to come back on my own. I did this several times, before the topic of a past feeling or a subtle feeling of having ADHD came up. It was like I had buried the whole belief that it was a real thing and that I could actually possibly be suffering from it. So again, I went to the library and grabbed the first ADHD book I could find. The first page was a list of positive attributes of people with ADHD. I felt so amazing reading that page! It was like a house was lifted off of my shoulders. I so identified with it, and continued reading (of course I did not finish it either, despite taking it out several times).
I went online. Read quick articles. Watched videos and other clips. I was looking to treat it myself without medication. I was still really against it.
Then I saw a video by Dr. Russell Barkely that changed my perspective and over a 4 day vacation, I made the decision "why not try it" and "what's to lose". So, upon my return, I booked a visit with my doctor. My doctor was on holiday, and the backup suggested I see the psychometrist again before medication. I agreed. I called in 2 weeks later for my appointment, and they said they were taking appointments 4-5 months out. My lack of patience (obv) got the better of me. I had decided I was going to try medication. I new I had this issue. I had taken subsequent tests online and came in off the charts. I was ready to try something, and almost felt unable to function without a drastic change (as reported in the earlier video I discussed).
I called in to the doctors office again. This time I saw my doctor. He again said he wanted to wait, as of course, I am on other medication and he wanted to wait to see if the antidepressants might help the ADHD symptoms. Reluctantly, he had me do another written test. Upon his return, he changes his tune and excused himself and said that I for sure should try and be on the medication. He gave me a prescription for Concerta and personal his info to contact him if there were any issues or complications, and wished me well.
A day later, I was up and at it. I had not desire to sleep all day, I took the garbage out, go the mail, go the toddler to preschool, and caught up on all outstanding emails and various phone calls I had been holding off on. I opened up mail. I went through items, and I looked at the clock and it was only 10am!
Life was feeling in control. I am so excited and optimistic with what my new world can bring, and I look forward to sharing these experiences with everyone who might find themselves just a little bit in my shoes.
Wishing everyone all the best, and feel great just sharing this with everyone now.
When I woke up, I took my medication as soon as I could. I had my prescription the night before, and the pharmacist said to me, if you take this now, you won't sleep...so, I had to wait until the morning until I could test myself out.
Back tracking a little, I have been a long term ADD ADHD denier. I was someone who was quick to criticize others for their diagnosis, self identifying and all else. I haven't delved deep enough to fully understand where all of this negativity comes from, but I would have to say, I grew up in an environment where this was the standard and right perspective on these types of issues.
Apparently from Grade 3, I had been identified as someone who should have been tested. All through school, I was the kid who could always have done better if he only applied himself. I was a good kid, but hard to control. I was respectful, but got into trouble. I had to sit at the front of the school bus, as I would never sit down and was too rambunctious, I had to sit behind a divider in one of my classes at the front of class, separated from the rest of class, so as to behave and focus. Again, all the time, I was successful in class, and was able to fake my way through most things.
I also happened to be left-handed, and felt that my messiness, my extremely poor hand writing, my confusion, frustrations, awkwardness, lack of coordination, accident proneness and all else could be chalked up to some kind of right-brained left-brained discussion. I had trouble with some subjects, in particular English and my writing. This was always blamed on my taking French immersion at an early age and missing out on the fundamentals. I bought these two excuses for my life, and still feel these excuses influence me...as again, I am a recent accepter of ADHD for me.
Over the years, I had been picked out of classes to take "studying" classes, speed reading test groups, organization and all else. As I look back, a large part of me wonders why I was among a group of others who clearly suffered from other forms of learning difficulties.
By 2008, I was not feeling very good about myself. I was in between work...again (I plan to delve into the job hopping in future posts). I finally thought to myself, "Why am I so lazy and stupid?". And crazy me typed this into a Google search. Well, sure enough, up pops You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy? Obviously, after reading a quick review, I was away grabbing the book. Now I never read it all....big surprise, I read a very large chunk of it. I identified so well with all that it was saying, that I quickly booked time with my Doctor and thought I was about to be quickly cured, and finally, this guy that I was not supposed to be would be fixed.
Well, long story short, I was believed and referred to meet with a couple diagnostics type people. I believe the first person was a psychometrist, who had me fill out the extended version of the many online quizzes (this was my most recent test location). From there, it was identified that there was a high likelihood of having ADHD (this wasn't exactly shared with me). So, I was recommended to see the local psychologist. Unfortunately, there was about a 3 month wait on that. When I finally got to see the psychologist, I was in a better state of mind. I was on top of the world and had just the day or so before returned from extremely engaging work overseas. I took some more quizzes, and when I met with the psychologist, my recollection was that he said, "Well, you've graduated high school, you've graduated college, and now you are working. The way I see it, is that you have discovered your own techniques to make your life work, and I would not think that you need medication."
I went out of the meet feeling fully fulfilled. I felt like everything in the world was fine, and I wasn't crazy and didn't need medication to be a normal participant in society.
Shortly after that experience, my work life took another nose dive, as I was let go from my contract work the day after Lehman collapsed. So, for the next while, I took life on myself and thought to myself that I am completely normal, and the way I behave is normal and there is nothing really wrong with me.
Several years go by. I meet a great girl. Marry, start a family, get involved in another business and struggle to juggle everything in the air. I suffered. I suffered greatly. There were days that were really tough. "Everyone has tough days" I thought, but these were extended and long and tough.
Long story short, I ultimately went in and started to get medication for depression (Effexor). I was really suffering. My home life was suffering. I was a mess. I was always short with those closest to me. I was scatter brained. I never followed through with simple tasks. I was a poor listener, an interrupter an over talker a procrastinator and most importantly, not dependable.
Still, I never went back for a diagnosis of ADHD, after all, I was the furthest thing from hyperactive!
I just wanted to sleep and hide.
Over time, my wife and I began to see a counselor together. I felt so good after sharing, that I asked to come back on my own. I did this several times, before the topic of a past feeling or a subtle feeling of having ADHD came up. It was like I had buried the whole belief that it was a real thing and that I could actually possibly be suffering from it. So again, I went to the library and grabbed the first ADHD book I could find. The first page was a list of positive attributes of people with ADHD. I felt so amazing reading that page! It was like a house was lifted off of my shoulders. I so identified with it, and continued reading (of course I did not finish it either, despite taking it out several times).
I went online. Read quick articles. Watched videos and other clips. I was looking to treat it myself without medication. I was still really against it.
Then I saw a video by Dr. Russell Barkely that changed my perspective and over a 4 day vacation, I made the decision "why not try it" and "what's to lose". So, upon my return, I booked a visit with my doctor. My doctor was on holiday, and the backup suggested I see the psychometrist again before medication. I agreed. I called in 2 weeks later for my appointment, and they said they were taking appointments 4-5 months out. My lack of patience (obv) got the better of me. I had decided I was going to try medication. I new I had this issue. I had taken subsequent tests online and came in off the charts. I was ready to try something, and almost felt unable to function without a drastic change (as reported in the earlier video I discussed).
I called in to the doctors office again. This time I saw my doctor. He again said he wanted to wait, as of course, I am on other medication and he wanted to wait to see if the antidepressants might help the ADHD symptoms. Reluctantly, he had me do another written test. Upon his return, he changes his tune and excused himself and said that I for sure should try and be on the medication. He gave me a prescription for Concerta and personal his info to contact him if there were any issues or complications, and wished me well.
A day later, I was up and at it. I had not desire to sleep all day, I took the garbage out, go the mail, go the toddler to preschool, and caught up on all outstanding emails and various phone calls I had been holding off on. I opened up mail. I went through items, and I looked at the clock and it was only 10am!
Life was feeling in control. I am so excited and optimistic with what my new world can bring, and I look forward to sharing these experiences with everyone who might find themselves just a little bit in my shoes.
Wishing everyone all the best, and feel great just sharing this with everyone now.
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